[x]

Sleep ParalysisThe demon visited me once again today.

Yes, today. Not tonight or the night before or after; times you’d think a demon would be out. This demon knows no such boundaries, it would seem, and so it usually visits me in the morning.

I lay in bed, having woken up much earlier than I wanted or needed to, with my eyes shut in hopes of remedying the situation. My body relaxed several times, and I felt sleep just within my grasp…
But several times my body found some fault with the split second-imagery of my dreams and jolted me awake, leaving me frustrated, but not deterred.
I would prefer it to what happens next.
The final time I shut

Forever LetterDear You,

I've known you for a long time and I thought that we could tell
each other anything, but now I know it isn't true. I knew that
your condition was worsening, but I didn't know it was so bad.
I found out that you had cancer the other day. You tried to hide
it from me, but I found the chemo dates in that pocket in your
bag you thought hid everything from the world. From me. From
me, your only trusted person in the universe. And that's not all
I discovered.

Those chemotherapy dates were expired, past. You've been through
maybe six or seven tests now. And I talked to your doctor about
it and he told me that you have maybe three weeks l

I used to want to die.Take a look at this papers background… It’s blank right?
That’s what your life is every day if you do nothing about it.
The world is your canvas you paint it, not anyone else.
Pick up your paint brush and paint a beautiful sky that you want to see everyday
Or YOU choose to paint a tornado that takes everything from you, and eventually takes your life if you paint it too many times.
Trust me. It isn’t worth it. I know that’s it is hard, you tell me you can’t do it but you can. My God or your God believes you can get through this!
He believes that you are tougher than every person around you.
He believes th

Cold Blooded Lovers"What if I told you...I still loved you?" She confessed.

His eyes, closed while his throat twitched with laughter.
"Who could ever love a girl like you? You were the worst
decision of my life! You don't know how long I've waited
to tell you that!" His lips, dry from the heartless yelling
lead to his back facing her.

A grin crept across her drenched mouth before a deep sigh
slithered out. "Who could ever love a girl like me?
You're right. Who could? After all, it was you who
created this? You made sure no one else could love me?
Made damn sure that I would be convinced you could
only love me." Once again, that deep breath escaped
her lips

Important You see a different side of a people when they sleep. Some people become rolling and boiling oceans, thrashing around in fits of emotional rage. Others become soft trains, riding down a long peaceful track. Even still, some make an unconscious decision to tell you their life story.
For me, my person becomes a beautiful place of serenity. Whilst he's awake, he's comical, vibrant, and alive. But sleeping, all of those wonderful attributes that make him him, they all become much quieter. All stress and anxiety seemingly disappear from under his radar, leaving only peace of mind and calm. While sleeping, he is more than beautiful.
Sleep is important. But for me, it is not for the reasons scientists say it is. It is a chance to find beauty in those around you where you may not commonly see it, Sleep is a chance to hold someone close, when you're too fearful while conscious.
Find your beauty. N

I reread the note todayHe was so self-conscious that he began to come across as bizarre: a thin young man with gaunt cheekbones who slouched around the edges of conversations waiting for a chance to politely cut in, but to those more extroverted he seemed a creep or a voyeur. I knew him a year in silent passing before we had a conversation on the winding staircase beside the wall of windows.

Paused with intention, he stood above me and, backlit by a pale grey January morning, I could see all the blackened angles of his figure in contrast with his hands which rested bright upon the railing: smooth and golden, sparsely haired. When he smiled, he bared all his teeth,

CrookedThere is an old nursery rhyme that tells us about the Crooked Man, and everything he had was crooked. I ask how one could live...live a crooked life. How could someone that is broken...stay in a broken house...surround himself with crooked things? I am my own crooked man, and I can give you the answer. You cannot live a crooked, broken life. Your soul, flesh, and bone may live, but you as a person cannot. Day by day, crooked events envelope you deeper...deeper...deeper into darkness. Crookedness is a demon that twists you...warps you...but it does not cause your pain. Some of us...some of us are destined for crookedness. I've led my life alon

Free write 2As I lay down in the field of grass, I look up at the sky and smile. The clouds passed by with the wind so elegently. At last I was a peace...

"I'm so happy that you're finally free Ellothar! Now we can live happily...the three of us..." Alice said.

"No more troubles or family issues, we can all be finally free." Rachel continued.

I just sighed and continued to look up at the sky.

"Yeah...were finally free..."

This is just a dream though, sadly this may never come true...in my current situation I'm really banged up. I'm a very badly banged up wind up toy. Seven months of my life were wasted...I learned this about a week ago. Thankfully t

SometimesSometimes, you feel like giving up. In your mind, you had given up all hope and all that’s left to do is to quietly disappear in a corner. Perhaps you didn’t have enough courage to continue moving on; afraid of failure, you stand still in the road called life, unsure of what to do next. Fear of being unable to stop what’s going to happen next, fear of being unable to prevent that same mishap from happening again, fear of falling again after that one thousand failures. Because of that fear, you’re moving further from me.

“Now all I want to do is forget this ever happened. Forget it all, go to sleep, and never wak

If OnlyIf only you could understand the depths to which I hate myself; like a maniac bottled inside a cage with barbed wire around his throat. If only you could see the blood I've shed, bottled up and buried with the last remnants of my being, just to stop offending your eyes. If only you could fathom the horrors these two eyes have lived; so potent in the night, rendering me sleepless still. If only you could feel the fire burning in my chest; the relentless yearning transfixed behind thick walls of flesh. If only you could touch the longing; so desperate, like a fish that swims through sewers, calling out behind dark corners; begging for another l

The Standard TwistWhat’s considered Normal
If we're all considered Odd,

Is Normal having no beliefs,
Is Normal loving God?

Is Normal picking up a smoke,
And lying down to rest,

Is Normal being better than you can be,
Is Normal really the best?

Is Normal a thing I can strive for,
Is it something I should be,

Is Normal the word you'd use to describe,
What you see when you see me?

In a world full of questions,
I like to ask myself,

If normal is something we aim for,
Why all those trophies on our shelves?

Because awards come from Oddity,
Where you do things with your heart,

And if you do them Normally,
You're hopeless from the start,

Oddity is what

A Stand for Sexuality.I’ve been waiting a while to get the chance and write this just to put it out there and try and make a difference. First of all;

Definition of Homosexual:
adjective
(of a person) sexually attracted to people of one's own sex.
• involving or characterized by sexual attraction between people of the same sex: homosexual desire.
noun
a person who is sexually attracted to people of their own sex.

Definition of Homophobia:
noun
an extreme and irrational aversion to homosexuality and homosexual people.

Now I guarantee that so many people who are homophobic or are uncomfortable with homosexuals, bisexuals, or anyone that is not hetero

Twisted SmilesI stand here looking at the cloudy sky above me. It smiles its most maniacal smiles and laughs as rain begins to pour from the murky heavens. I simply stare into the rain and begin to smile back.

It is my most delirious smile, full of mischief and laughter. The rain responds with a quiet gust of laughing wind. My twisted smile, it curves even further.

I take a deep breath and laugh, knowing that inside of this madness, that this is where I want to be. It is here where my heart desires to be, it is here where I belong, it is here where I am immersed in this sunken abyss.

The raven with his call of laughter, he never seemed so loud. Even in

Blame and TrustNo one really thinks about it when they pick up the knife,

“Yo-ho! I’m here, the party can start now baby!” a girl with dark brown hair, it could be easily be mistaken as black in shadows. In truth there was a faint violent tang to it from her most recent hair-dye. She wore a black tank top and blue jeans there were broken on the knees. A black wrist band and her hair was clipped up making it spike and bounce with each step. Her shoes were black but had a white stripe on the very bottom. She also wore a dark azure ring on the opposite hand, around her middle finger. The way her right side of her face was a long thick hair l

Pre and Post Routine"Cut, cut, cut my skin
Take my pain away.
Quickity, quickity, quickity, quick
I wash it down the drain.

Now, now, let it bleed
Let them bleed away.
Soon, soon, they will heal
And scars they will be made."

I stood in front of the mirror, undressed with the shower on behind me. My face turned sour at my reflection making it all too easy to duck down and take the pencil sharpener blade from my pocket. Easily I could see the marks where my too-tight-bra would grip and began slicing inside those lines.

At first they weren't deep enough. Then I pressed harder and cut wildly on my side, back, the side of and underneath my breast, and then low in

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The puppetmasterNo one can read the mirth in my eyes.
They can't tell what's truth and what's lies.
Puppets on stings, a shiny new toy.
Plucking the heartstrings of a new boy.

Watch their reactions. See their tears.
Dictate their lives for the next few years.
Dance puppets, dance! Do as I say!
First come here and then go away!

I am the puppet master, but no one can see,
that everything they do is because of me.
A moment to laugh. A moment of joy,
but this one is boring, I need a new boy.

hauntingI had it all.
I had everything
that I wanted.

Then I lost my love.
My everything.
My heart.

But it was ok.
I survived,
because of my friends.

And now I don't have them either.
And losing my love still hurts,
and losing my friends is sapping my strength.

I am alone.
There's no one left for me to turn to,
when I need them.

Now I'm trapped in a perfect hell.
My tears falling.
.
.
I am alone.

The things that made my life
happy. Fun. Enjoyable
are gone.

and
every
smile
hurts.

I'm the outsider again
just when I thought
my life was fine.

And I just want to run

In memorialHow can the world keep turning,
the clocks, keep ticking,
and the time keep flowing,
when there's one less person in the world?

Why hasn't the world just stopped?
Haven't all their tears swollen the rivers?
Why don't the very trees,
the rocks,
the flowers,
stop and weep
for you.

You meant so much to many.
Even those you did not know for long,
mourn your loss.

You won't be forgotten.

These written words don't mean much,
but they are all I have to give.
So these written words are just for you,

in memory, of who you were.

QuestionsTrying to run, but bound by my pain.
Too tired to start my fight again.
No where to run, no where to hide,
my broken heart is my demise.

Trapped in the ether, not drifting away.
Too scared to face another day.
What's the point of all of my fear?
It's not like you were ever here.

I miss you acutely, and I miss what we had.
The memories bind me, but you are not sad.
You never said what sparked your abhor,
but merely that you didn't care anymore.

The torture is daily, and night holds no rest.
I toss and I turn like the heart in my chest.
How did I hurt you? What did I do wrong?
The pain and the hurt has gone on too long.

I beg yo

Into the stormThe outsider
sits and watches
everyone go about.

Not threatening,
but watching with
mild
intrest.

Trying to solve the puzzle,
to work out how and why
we act.

Trying to copy.
Learning the habits.
The words.
Trying to be a mirror.

Reflecting everything around,
but it's impossible to see
what goes on
behind the shiny
exterior.

Looking into the watching eyes
is like looking into a storm.
Full of sadness and
longing.

Longing to be included,
perhaps.
Or to just be part
of what is being obseved.

But it's hard to tell
just what goes on
behind that fake smile.

You can never be sure.

The outsiderReflecting smiles like a mirror.
Exact replicas,
but cold
and empty.

Eyes that stare at a different horizon.
Glazed with sparkling sadness.

A heart so alien.
So different.
Searching for something,
that no one else can comprehend.

A hand cramped from writing.
A pen never too far away.

Everyone just stares.
An outsider.
Not loathed or cast down,
but looked upon with questioning eyes.

Living in a reality,
that is so different to everyone Else's.
They just don't quite understand,
all that goes on
behind the fake smile.

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I want to know

by ~skiniminni, Jan 13, 2013, 7:05:07 PM
Literature / Prose / Non-Fiction / Emotional

Each night it's harder to fall asleep, not knowing, not knowing. And I want to know when I can't; when I'm alone and lonely. So that sometimes fearful, empty, scared; sometimes angry, hurting raw. Each night it hurts a little more.

Nightmares haunt the deepest depths and the things I don't want to admit I feel. Again and again the memory of us makes it's home in the abyss. Each night it hurts a little more.

And being without you, tasting what it's like to be alone, there aren't words for it. And I want to know when I can't I don't want another night like this, hurting just a little more.

And every night it's harder to fall asleep, not knowing, not knowing...

I want to knowby ~skiniminni

Literature / Prose / Non-Fiction / Emotional

...

*Skaramine Jan 13, 2013 Hobbyist Traditional Artist

Truly moving.

~skiniminni Jan 14, 2013 Hobbyist Writer

Why thank you! And also thank you for the fav. Means a lot to me <3

*Skaramine Jan 16, 2013 Hobbyist Traditional Artist

Always glad to help a fellow writer!

~skiniminni Jan 16, 2013 Hobbyist Writer

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I want to know

I want to knowby ~skiniminni

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